Christmas is for those who grieve

The following post is my notes from a sermon I preached last year called “Good Grief, Christmas.” If you’d rather listen/watch it, you can do so here:

On to the post:

Last week we looked through the eyes of a senior adult at Jesus. Simeon had waited and waited for the Messiah, based on God’s promise to him. We rejoiced with him as he declared, “Now, Master, you can dismiss your servant in peace, as you promised. For my eyes have seen your salvation. You have prepared it in the presence of all peoples — a light for revelation to the Gentiles and glory to your people Israel.” (Luke 2:29-32) We also looked at the sobering realities of Jesus’ birth as he gave four cautions to Joseph and Mary about Jesus.

As we reflect on Christmas realities, I hope to stir your affections for Jesus deeper this Christmas season. And I hope that for some of you, you’ll invite Jesus into your life, turning from spiritual isolation to Jesus in faith, so that you can experience forgiveness and fellowship with God and His people in ways you cannot now dream of.

My Christmases (Christmi? 😏) growing up were traditional. At some point, many of us as young parents stop going home for Christmas morning and want to begin Christmas traditions in our homes with our children. I loved how my parents did this when I was young. We’d have Christmas morning at our house (which would begin early because my sister and I were ready with the dawn, but late morning, we’d pack up and head south to Hamburg, Arkansas. My grandparents lived out in the country (even for southeast Arkansas), and my grandfather (who we called DB) always cut down a small-ish pine tree from the woods for the tree. It wasn’t shapely. Its branches were asymmetrical, yet with a couple strands of big-bulbed lights on it and ancient Noble ornaments, it was magical. After an early afternoon lunch, we’d gather in the living room, with a fire in the fireplace - all of us - cousins, aunts, uncles - crammed in and sprawled over one another, and the youngest would distribute gifts.

After the chaos, the kids would happily go outside to play with new toys - regardless of the cold - and the adults would enter nap zones.

Those days still bring happy memories flooding back for me. And yet, many of my family who I celebrated those Christmases with have passed. That wonderful home that retains such vivid, fond memories for me sits empty and vacant - still out in the country in Ashley County. There’s no life there any longer. It has felt like a museum/mausoleum of sorts when I’ve visited. My uncle Burt died in May 1999. My grandfather DB died in February 2001. I had a premonition the day he passed - another story for another day. My grandmother Opal died in June 2004 at 93. She was the last member of the Dorcus Sunday School Class at First Baptist Hamburg. My uncle Harry (who was a great bear of a man, was famous for telling all the kids “Uncle Jr says eat your meat”) died in July 2013. On my mom’s side, we said goodbye to Papaw in 1984 - I was a sophomore in high school. He had surrendered to ministry in his 30s and become a pastor. He died of colon cancer at 71. Mammaw went to be with Jesus in April 2002 at 89. My Christmas days are now filled with people who weren’t around for my earliest Christmases.Carolyn, Sam, Sidney (and now Shepherd), Adelyn and Braeden. Many times Carolyn’s sister Cortney and her kids Mattie, Daniel and TJ have joined us since Cortney moved to Virginia in 2021.

Christmas is both quieter and louder these days.

I want you to think of your Christmas this year... of the people you’ll celebrate with... and of the people who won’t be there. The empty chairs - some of them freshly vacant. In the reflection of lights, and with gifts wrapped, and loved ones gathered, there are those missing, we feel. Even as we reflect deeper, many in our country lost their homes during Helene and other disasters this past year. Their Christmas will be different, abnormal, and even hard. The simplest of things... the lost Christmas ornaments will provoke tears.

And that’s what tonight really is about... tears at Christmas. Here’s my overarching thought: Christmas is for those who grieve.

If you’ve ever felt out of place or shunned into unhappy silence because Christmas is hard for you, this message is for you. If you have a loved one or friend you walk on eggshells around at Christmas because you are aware of their grief, this message may give you words of hope for them, or at the least inform your prayers.

In the New Testament, there’s a joyful occurrence for those who grieve:

His father Zechariah was filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied:

“Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. He has raised up a horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David (as he said through his holy prophets of long ago), salvation from our enemies and from the hand of all who hate us— to show mercy to our ancestors and to remember his holy covenant, the oath he swore to our father Abraham: to rescue us from the hand of our enemies, and to enable us to serve him without fear in holiness and righteousness before him all our days.

And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:67-80)

The timeline of Christmas: BB - “Before Bethlehem”

Here’s an organized look at the order of those first Christmas events “BB.”

1. Zechariah and Elizabeth ~ Luke 1

   1. Zachariah told by Gabriel they would have “John.”

   2. John’s ministry described as “to make ready for the Lord a prepared people” (17)

   3. Zachariah struck mute due to his unbelief.

2. Gabriel sent to Mary to announce a son “Jesus.”

   1. Mary troubled since she was a virgin.

   2. Jesus’ identity revealed as “Son of the Most High.”

3. Joseph’s divorce decision averted by angelic intercession. (Matthew 2:20-21)

   1. Origin affirmed.

   2. Name affirmed - “Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins.” (21)

4. Mary visits Elizabeth

   1. John leaps in Elizabeth’s womb.

   2. Mary affirmed and prophesies.

5. John is born

   1. Disagreement over name among those present at circumcision.

      1. Elizabeth insists on “John.”

      2. Zachariah suddenly freed from muteness and affirms “John.”

6. Zechariah’s prophecy

7. Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem.

The passage in Luke was a dad’s song (Zachariah’s) praising God for his son’s role in the days ahead! Here are some thoughts on Zechariah’s declaration of what those days entailed. Listen to how he described in song what our God was doing:

• he has come to his people and redeemed them

• He has raised up a horn of salvation for us

• show mercy to our ancestors

• rescue us from the hand of our enemies

• enable us to serve him without fear in holiness and righteousness

Here’s how Zechariah described John’s role:

• you will be called a prophet of the Most High

• you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for Him

• to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins

Then look at the motivation, the “why” behind this great work of God in sending John to announce the advent of the Messiah:

• because of the tender mercy of our God

• to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death

• to guide our feet into the path of peace

This idea of darkness... and living in the shadow of death... Christmas then, is for those who grieve.

Jesus would quote the passage this came from after He heard that John had been arrested by Herod:

“...the people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.” (Matthew 4:16)

Jesus referenced Isaiah’s prophecy:

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.” (Isaiah 9:2)

Isaiah continued this prophecy, and here you see that in the Old Testament, this promise to Israel was a Christmas promise. It foretold the hope and healing and comfort that would come when Jesus came.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end.” (Isaiah 9:6-7)

Christmas announced the beginning of the end of tears. When Jesus finally establishes His kingdom and brings us to heaven...

“Look, God’s dwelling is with humanity, and he will live with them. They will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away. Then the one seated on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new.” (Revelation 21:3-5)

The coming of Jesus as Messiah in Bethlehem announced the beginning of the end of our tears and grief. Until Christ returns, however, grief is real. It’s tangible. It’s hard. Some seasons seem to amplify it. Christmas is one of those for a number of reasons.

However, can we step into one another’s grief this Christmas?

I’m reading a really wonderful book right now called Don’t Waste Your Waiting. One thing I’ve deeply appreciated about the book is its relentless insistence that waiting is biblical. That all of life involves waiting. And especially Christmas.

We wait for Christmas with such eagerness. And yet... as followers and long-ers for Jesus, Christmas reminds us that we wait for MORE. We wait for His return and His inauguration of a kingdom that will have no end, one in which God Himself wipes away our tears and welcomes us into His arms, to comfort, to assure and to show us that “all is well.” Things can be well, even as we grieve. I watched a Christmas movie this weekend on Netflix - A Boy Called Christmas. In it, I heard this statement:

“Grief is the price we pay for love – and it’s worth it, a million times over.”

Grief comes in many forms though. We grieve over what we’ve lost. We grieve over what we never had. We grieve over tangible and intangible things. We grieve over what we didn’t get that we felt we deserved. We grieve over good things that were taken from us. We even grieve over our choices and consequences. We grieve over unrealized dreams. We grieve over broken relationships. We grieve over death and absence.

What do we do with all these griefs?

We celebrate Christmas.

We lay our griefs in the manger and later we allow Jesus to take them to the cross. We daily cast our cares before Him, trusting that He cares for us.

And we hope.

We place all our hope in Jesus.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people... while we wait for the blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.” (Titus 2:11, 13)

In the meantime, as we wait, as we hope. We can grieve… but we do not grieve as those who have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13) In fact, biblically, there is no difference between waiting and hoping.

Christmas is for those who grieve. It invites us to “good grief.”

The angels told the shepherds...

“Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” (Luke 2:10-12)

The wise men in faith and longing, followed a star...

“And there it was — the star they had seen at its rising. It led them until it came and stopped above the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overwhelmed with joy. Entering the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother, and falling to their knees, they worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” (Luke 2:9-11)

Hope has come. Hope arrived in Jesus! Salvation, deliverance, forgiveness... and a promise for all those who live in darkness and in the valley of the shadow of death... the beginning of the end of tears. Oh, place your griefs and burdens, your cares and disappointments, your hurts and heartaches, even your joys and your triumphs, your accomplishments and your crowns... at the manger as offerings to the King. Let them all - from grievous things to great things... be your humble offerings to Jesus. Let them be your gold, frankincense and myrhh.

Can you take a moment... and write your own grief biography this Christmas? As I did, think through all those loved ones that are no longer a part of your Christmases. Think through losses and griefs. Some you grieve over may not have died, but you may be estranged or struggling with them. Think through your empty chairs and your burdens. Christmas is for those who grieve.

I would also encourage you grieve over your sin. But do not stay there... Even in this tonight, there is wonderful hope in Zachariah’s prophecy, for the ministry and message of the Messiah, of Christmas itself is that Jesus came to offer “the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins.”

Fun story... on Friday, I was deeply moved as I listened to Lauren Daigle’s song Light of the World. I texted our worship leader a “hail Mary” song request to wrap this message up... and I asked him to change the lyrics of the bridge...

“For all who wait
For all who hunger
For all who’ve prayed grieve
For all who wander”

He responded, “It’s already in the order of worship.. as the final song!” Here’s our rendition of the song: