Leaving people alone

Ordinary.

You are ordinary. Unremarkable. Flying under the radar. Minding your own business. Seeking anonymity.

You’d be terrified if someone put a mic in your hand and pulled you onto a stage. If invited into the spotlight, you’d prefer a lamp in your living room. Your life verse is, “But we encourage you, brothers and sisters, to do this even more, to seek to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you…”¹ You pray regularly for the president and those in authority, for according to 1 Timothy 2:2, that enables you to “lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.” A quiet life. Sounds perfect.

You are content to live your own life. You don’t want to bother anyone, and you don’t want anyone to bother you.

I remember my parents telling me as a kid that I shouldn’t fear wasps. “If you leave them alone, they will leave you alone.” That was a lie. The amount of times that I’ve been stung minding my own business is the stuff of legends. I’ve even been stung in the leg by a wasp in the middle of the night, under my sheets.²

Leaving stinging insects alone may not keep you from being stung. I think the advice is true for people.

If you seek to simply leave people alone and live an undisturbed life, you may find yourself unpleasantly stung.

Here’s why.

It’s unloving to not invite people into your life or to involve yourself in the lives of others. At the root of your desire to be left alone or to mind your own business may be a more insidious motivation than you realize. It’s called fear.

But what about those scriptures?!

Don’t they give you spiritual permission to “turtle.”

Credit: Jason Schronce, Shutterstock

Not at all. Those verses weren’t talking about being uninvolved in people’s lives. They were speaking about the joy and fruitfulness that comes when we live a life of love and service. Only through engagement with others do we then find a life of contentment and are able to enjoy times of solitude and peace, knowing that we have done what we were created to do… love God and love our neighbors.

I read C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves earlier this year (reviewed here). He addressed the lie that uninvolvement in the lives of others equals safety. Lewis framed involvement as love.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”³

In truth, uninvolvement in the lives of others is disobedience… to Jesus. How we can we “mind our own business” and also “make disciples of all nations?”⁴

Christians, it is unloving to live a quiet life when we value our privacy over gospel priorities. Even when those who don’t follow Jesus choose love over isolation, they discover fulfillment and depth that far surpasses selfish solitude. Yet, the highest involvement-engagement is not with people, but with God.

We should not leave God alone, for He has not left us alone. He entered the world, took on flesh, and then took our sins upon Himself. Jesus conquered death that we might have life… and not be left alone. His involvement-engagement is called love.

“For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

God knew that leaving us alone would be the worst thing that could happen to us. If we are to be followers of Jesus, we must not leave people alone either.

Here are five (at least) practical thoughts on how to apply this to your life:

1. Don’t bristle at interruptions. Most of us structure our lives to avoid inconvenience. If you get frustrated at being interrupted by an unexpected phone call or text, what does that say about how you view people? Do you overvalue your own schedule and privacy? Some interruptions are invitations to involvement. Stop treating busyness as a shield from engagement with others.

2. Examine whether “privacy” is actually fear. Your quest for a quiet life may be a disguise for selfishness. Ask yourself:

   1. Am I avoiding people because I am unloving? Or because vulnerability scares me?

   2. Have I sought emotional safety instead of spiritual maturity?

   3. Who am I intentionally keeping at arm’s length? And why?

3. Redefine a “quiet life.” Biblical quietness is not disengagement. “Minding your own business” in Scripture never meant emotional withdrawal or relational indifference.

4. Take one relational risk this week. Avoiding risk also avoids transformation. Identify one vulnerable step:

   1. Confess a struggle. Your vulnerability invites others to step from behind their walls too.

   2. Reconcile with someone. This combats pride and invites humility.

   3. Mentor a younger believer. Over a few months, describe your own spiritual journey, lessons, failures and gratitude in growth.

   4. Ask a lonely person to lunch. It’s not hard to find lonely people. Loneliness is an epidemic. Intentional involvement is better medicine than injections.

   5. Serve someone without convenience controlling the decision.

5. Measure spiritual health by involvement, not comfort. What would happen if everyone practiced Christianity exactly like You? Would the church be in a healthier, more vibrant condition? Would Jesus be glorified? Would more people trust in Jesus as their Savior? Would more people be served and helped?

1. 1 Thessalonians 4:10-11

2. My wife laughs like a hyena when I get hurt. When I get stung in my sleep, I screamed, threw off all the covers and scared her to death. She got hostile, accusing me of being ridiculous and having a bad dream. Until I located the winged demon and crushed him mercilessly. When she realized I’d really been stung… she laughed.

3. The Four Loves, by C.S. Lewis (HarperOne: February 2017)

4. Matthew 28:19