Who loves you?
It’s Valentine’s Day! (aka Hallmark Stock Bump Day)
Here’s a thought question for you:
Who is the one person - apart from blood - that you desire to be loved by?
Who’s the person outside of family that you want to love you without reserve? What human’s admiration and affection would you rejoice to receive without merit? Simply because you exist and are? Whose pure love do you desire - that they love you for you - everything about you - flaws and all? That will remain committed to you through thick and thin?
As you think and answer these questions, you must also see what you are doing to try to win/earn that love - and stop. Stop. Any effort on your part kills a freely offered love and taints it. If they don’t draw near and treat you as dearly beloved simply because you’re YOU - then nothing you can do will satisfy that real longing. If you try to earn their love or perform or act out, you will always suspect their love for you is based on something you do for them instead of who you are.
Think about the people you love right now (outside your family).
Do they build you up? Or do they tear you down? Do they demand you change? Do they delight in your moods and are patient with you when you’re “off?” Do they celebrate when you’re happy? Do they mourn with you when you’re sad? Do they point you to truth when you are momentarily blinded? Are they FOR you in longsuffering? Do they always make time for you? Do they initiate and surprise you? Or is your relationship solely based on what you do for them? Are you surprised to realize that they are really for... them?
Created to want to be loved
Our longing for someone to love us as ourselves is a created desire. It was put in us to want to be loved. Our desire to earnestly love others was put in us as well. Sadly, as we grow from infancy to childhood, we somehow begin to think that love is connected with performance, with the way we act. We forgot that as babes, we were loved (in a healthy home) just for being… there. We were loved for being us. I was loved for just being… me.
From childhood on, we subtly and unconsciously begin doing things to earn attention, love, and affection. In healthy situations, as kids we strive to be “good” and get “good” grades. We learn that being polite makes us remarkable. We begin to attach the approval of others to our behavior. We cease being cared about just because we are there.
But that internal, created desire in us never goes away. To the extent that you begin practicing a lifestyle of performance to earn status, credibility, attention and worth, your heart shrinks. You become less a human being, and you devolve into a human doing.
What you really crave is for your real self to be loved really, and just because you’re you.
The most wonderful news in the world is that the One who MADE you to be loved is the One who loves you purely and perfectly. Of course, it’s God. And more specifically, it’s Jesus.
“All things were created through him, and apart from him not one thing [including you] was created that has been created.” (John 1:3)
Jesus is the Author and Creator. He is the Sustainer of all of life. He created you. And He loves you. As He made you. Not as others have tried to make you. Not as you’ve tried to impress. Not your confused identities. Not your posturing. Not your performance. Not your achievements. Not your failures. He loves you in spite of your good behavior. In spite of your bad behavior. He just loves you.
All the love you crave. All the attention you want. All the contentment you lack. It’s all found in Jesus.
You are invited today into being content and satisfied that the Creator of All loves you. If that God/Creator/Jesus loves you so much, then what does not being loved by someone who is finite, imperfect, and who can’t know the real you matter?
You can stop trying to be loved. You can rest. God’s arms have always been open. His eyes have never looked away from you. He loves you so much…
“For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
In 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, there’s a passage about “love” that’s often used at weddings. You can these verses in picture frames and pinned or Insta’d. “Love is patient; love is kind…” the passage begins. Read it afresh in the Amplified Version:
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 AMP)
But here’s the thing… “Love” is not some amorphous power. It’s not a concept. Love is a Person. God is love.
“The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his one and only Son into the world so that we might live through him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:8-10)
When you read 1 Corinthians 13 again, substitute “Love” with “Jesus,” and you’ll understand more deeply what is being communicated. God Himself is “patient… and kind…” And that God loves YOU.
You first
We are told clearly that God loved us first.1
Before we had anything to offer. Before we turned to Him in faith. God loved us. He loved us.2 We didn’t perform or behave a certain way to earn His love.
It’s tiring to crave another’s pure love. While we deeply want to be loved for who we are, we often find ourselves doing things to earn or keep or support someone else’s love for us. We’re not “off” for wanting to be loved. It’s a created desire. We are wired that way. The problem is that we are short-sighted and seek love from those who are all, ultimately, wanting to be loved themselves. Everyone wants to be loved.
Augustine3 (354–430 AD) who lived in the 4th-5th centuries famously described the longing of our hearts:
“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”
Your soul was made by God. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.4 And you deeply loved by the only One who matters. Wouldn’t it make sense to receive, cherish, and love with all your heart, mind and strength such a God? He has told you how to love Him. It’s not through mushy, fleeting feelings of “love.” It’s through faith in His Son Jesus.
What about that person who you want to love you so much?
Here’s an astonishing truth. If you will seek to be loved by those who intimately love Jesus first, you’ll discover that their love for you is pure and sweet and real. You’ll discover that they can see the real you because their vision is filtered through the Person who defines, models and gives love freely - Jesus. Sincere Jesus followers make the best lovers of you, because they have received the best love of all.
“We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
“But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Read this selection from Augustine and see if it doesn’t profoundly reflect your heart’s desire to be loved.
Psalm 139:14